The Taco Bell Diet

I haven't seen a commercial for the Taco Bell Diet in a couple of weeks, but then again, I haven't been watching that much TV lately. Whether or not they are still promoting it, I still have a couple things to say.

WTF REALLY!?!?!?

Are you serious? A Taco Bell diet. Just because some stupid bitch lost a few pound eating nothing but taco bell. She probably shit it all out. That's what happens to me when I get Taco Bell. Usually when I want to clean out my colon, I go out to Taco Bell.

I once lost 20 pounds eating nothing but Six-Dollar burgers from Carl's Jr. But that is all I ever ate. Every day I would have a large Six-Dollar burger meal as well as walking to work. If I was smart, I could have contacted Carl's Jr. and let them know how I lost that weight and then I would be famous like Jerod.

I've been thinking of a diet that I can stand behind. I haven't lost any weight from it, but I get exercise at the same time. I call it the Eating Pussy Diet. All you eat are shaved clams and furry tacos. If you are lucky you get to cum in the end.

Snow Makes People Stupid!

It is winter again and unfortunately it has snowed. It is the first time it has snowed in our area this season and like all snow seasons, the stupid people are out.

I had posted on my Facebook that "Snow Makes People Stupid." One of my friends responded by pointing out that maybe these people were always stupid, it's just the snow is helping them prove it. I agree with this.

At the hospital I work at there are certain sections of the parking structure and roadways that we routinely block off when it snows. There is an entrance/exit that we block because when it snows just a little, it gets slick and leads to a road that's on a hill. You are either going to get stuck going up the hill or slide going down. Four or five times yesterday people, let me reword that, EMPLOYEES were removing the barricades and driving down the blocked off area anyway. I actually yelled at some of them and made one of these morons back up in the structure when I caught him after he moved the barricade. Use some common sense people. You all can't be that stupid. Well maybe you can.

I just saw a news article on one of our local news channels about the city's response to the sudden snow storm. The city was pleased with their response, but the citizens were not. What do people expect? Yes, the snow came down unexpectedly, even my wife and I were not fully prepared, but we made it through smartly and I know that a lot of people did too. However, even more people did not, because they were unprepared.

It is winter you fucking idiots! In the winter there is this white stuff that falls from the sky, they call it snow and sometimes it is joined by really cold rain called freezing rain. Here is some common sense... You can safely get around in this inclement weather with chains on your car or studded tires in addition to driving slowly. There is no need to rush or act stupidly. This will usually lead to someone yelling at you and treating you like the moron you are or it may get you killed. And though I would love for more stupid people to be weeded out of the gene pool, I don't want to clean up the mess.

Here is a link to the story mentioned above.

http://www.katu.com/news/local/80383067.html

Exssesivly Baggy Clothing

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but even the picture above doesn't convey what I truly feel about this style of dress.

What is it with this look? What makes this fad so great that it has lasted as long as it has? I remember back in the late 80's when hanging pants just started becoming popular. I thought it was stupid looking back then and it's even more stupid now 20 years later.
I don't mean to stereotype this look, but it seems that a majority of the people that dress this way are black men or white men who think they are black. And then there is a small percentage that just dress that way because they are lazy or plain stupid.

Back in the early 90's it was explained to me by someone who dressed this ways on a daily basis is that poorer parents would dress their kids in bigger clothes so they could grow into them and then it slowly became a fad. Makes sense, but you would think that once you made enough money to buy your own clothes or when you stopped growing you would buy clothes that would fit. To be wearing pants that make you walk like a penguin or that you have to pick up the crotch when you run is just stupid to me no matter how much money you have.

As a bouncer I see this style of dress all the time and it drives me up the wall. I have such a hateful passion about it that I forbid my kids to wear baggy jeans. Now I wouldn't consider me or my family poor, but I have a cousin that is just a year or two older than my eldest son and sometimes he passes older clothes onto us. He is a bit bigger in the waist than my son so whenever I see my son wearing one of my cousins hand-me-downs, I make sure he is wearing a belt and it doesn't come down past his ass. And god forbid when I catch him wearing pants without a belt.

This look just does not say well bred to me at all. And money has nothing to do with. It looks thuggish and shows that you have no self worth, and why should I care about you when you don't care about yourself.

One thing I saw the other day that got me and drove me to write about this. I understand this is a really stupid fad and maybe in some circles the lower your pants are the higher you are on whatever scale you live by, but when you are permanently in a wheelchair and you are still wearing you pants low. Give me a fucking break. Really!

Don't Impersonate a Cop to a Cop, Duh!

The following is a press release from the Marion Co. Sheriff's Office.

SALEM, Ore. - Just after noon on Saturday Deputy Ethan Griffith was driving southbound on Lancaster Drive in Salem when he conducted a traffic stop on a driver who he observed operating an unsafe vehicle (large crack in windshield).

As he approached the driver, 29-year-old David Hickman, the first thing Hickman said was, "Shouldn't I be the one giving the tickets?" Deputy Griffith was surprised by this statement and asked Hickman what he meant.

Hickman told him he had just been hired by Gresham Police Department two days prior and had his choice between the State Police and the Gresham Police Department. He also said he was scheduled to attend the Police Academy soon.

Deputy Griffith congratulated him and then returned to his patrol car to complete the traffic citations. He then returned to Hickman's vehicle and explained the citations to him. Hickman said he understood the citations but asked if Deputy Griffith would just issue him a warning because he was a police officer.

Deputy Griffith told him no and gave Hickman the traffic citations.

Deputy Griffith then contacted the Gresham Police Department and determined Hickman was not a police officer for Gresham and was not scheduled to attend the Police Academy.

On Saturday at 2 p.m. Deputy Griffith made contact with Hickman at his Salem home and arrested him for Criminal Impersonation of a Police Officer and transported him to the Marion County Jail.

Every Good Christian Should Suffer

My grandmother just died at the end of June and the priest who performed her last rights, told my mother that Jesus suffered in his last days and so should any good Christian.

What a crock of shit.

I am not a Christian and really have never considered myself one, but I was raised in a Christian family. Almost all of my relatives, immediate and non-immediate, consider themselves Christian on one part of the spectrum or the other, even if some don't attend church.

I was raised in the Episcopal Church (Church of England) and from the 5th grade on, attended Catholic schools. I was confirmed in the Episcopal Church at age 11 (6th grade), my mother thought this was a good idea so I would be more apt on staying with her (parents were divorced). My father at the time did not attend a church, at least not to my knowledge, and my step-mother was an active member of the Quakers. After my Confirmation, I was forced into becoming an alter boy and as before, made to go to church on a weekly basis and all major Christian holidays. I hated every bit of it and to take my mother up on her promise of me having the choice to go to church or not after the age of 18 I have only been back 4 times in the last 19 years; 2 weddings, once as a successful attempt to get into a girls pants and most recently my grandmother's funeral.

I have studied the bible, only because I had to, which has actually helped ward off Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses who have mistakenly knocked on my door, but I do not recall ever reading or hearing that all good Christians must suffer. I know that Christians believe Hell is a place that exists for bad Christians to go and is also a place that if you are a Fundamentalist Christian, would included everyone who doesn't believe what you believe. However, good Christians aren't suppose to go there and what about suffering at the end of life.

The thing that is sad about the whole thing is that my mom bought into that thought process. Are you kidding me!?! But then again here is a woman who raised me as an Episcopalian and then converted to Catholicism at the height of their molestation scandals. I love my mother, but that was just plain stupid, and another topic for later ranting.

Believe what you want to believe, this is a free country and that is your right, but to believe that as a Christian, a good one at that, you must suffer at the end of your life is BULLSHIT! As a Christian you have suffered enough through prosecution from assholes like me, from Catholic priests who can't keep their hands off little boys, and televangelist addicted to high class hookers.

To quote Madea "Halleluar"

Michael Jackson is Dead

Michael Jackson died on June 25, 2009 of a massive heart attack. What did you expect, a heart can only pump for so long especially when it is trying to pump blood through plastic. Ok bad, joke. However, that was the first thing that went through my mind when I found out he was dead, was a bad joke.

Yes, Michael Jackson changed music and music videos forever, he inspired many to follow their dreams of dance, and even I had a flash back or two of 6th grade when Thriller was at its top, but to cry and wail and associate hearing of his death to JFK, by saying you will never forget where you were when you found out Wacko Jacko was dead. Give me a fucking break, stupid.

I have watched news reports about where they talk about the great legacy of Michael Jackson. They say he will be remembered for his contributions to music and dance, but they don't mention that he will also be remembered for being a complete freak. Because of this, I did a quick search on the Internet for some bad Michael Jackson jokes, and included them here with a few of my own.

Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

Q: What is black and comes in a little white can?
A: Michael Jackson.

Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has a hot date?
A: There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.

Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them.

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

Prince Michael Jackson, Jr. – you know in a few years they’ll probably change his name to: The Child Formerly Known as Michael Jackson’s Baby.

“Johnny Cochran died and had a funeral. You know who was at the funeral; both O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson. In fact, Michael cornered O.J. and said, ‘How do you get stains off a glove?’” ~Bill Maher

“What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Dick Cheney? One has pasty white skin, fake body parts and he’s creepy; the other’s Michael Jackson.”
~ Jay Leno

“The judge in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial selected 250 candidates for the jury pool, while Jackson himself has selected 20 for the kiddie pool.” ~ Amy Poehler

Did you hear that due to Michael Jackson being 90% plasic, they are going to melt him down and mold him into legos? Now children can play with him for a change.

When Priests, Rabbi and ministers around the world prayed to God for him to save the children, I don't think they meant for him to kill Michael Jackson.

For more Michael Jackson jokes, go to the following websites.

• http://www.funnyandjokes.com/


• http://www.tonsoflaughs.faketrix.com/funny-jokes-Michael-Jackson.htm

Ringback Tones

What exactly is a ringback tone you ask? When you call someone, it is a song played in place of the standard ringing you would hear while waiting for that person to pick up or getting the persons voicemail. In other words it is an annoying technological advancement in cell phone services marketed toward teenagers, young adults and stupid people who think it is cool.

Depending on what is considered popular music at the time and the service provider, almost any song is available to have as a ringback tone. If you are a normal mature adult who wants to take advantage of this service, you will choose music that is pleasant to everyone, nothing too hard, maybe something classical and tasteful. But if you are a member of a group that this service is market to, then watch out. Having the wrong music can actually not get you a job. I should know this, not because I have this service and didn't get a job because of it, but because I personally have not hired people because of their ringback tone. A bad ringback tone is unprofessional and the sign of an idiot.

I once ran a security company, and part of my many, many duties was to hire new employees. I would put ads on Craigslist and would sometimes have many well qualified people apply. When it came to calling people for interviews, no matter how qualified a person was, if I was forced to listen to music I didn't like, I would hang up and call someone else.

I know that I can sometimes be an asshole and that I expect a lot from my employees or those who would be potential employees, however, I know I am not the only person out there that hates ringback tones, and I know that I am not the only person who has not hired someone because of their ringback tone. That said, and I know I maybe taking this a little far, but ringback tones have the potential to help in the continued rise of our unemployment rate.

Now taking that a step further, if everyone who had a horrid ringback tone was not hired, they eventually would not be able to pay their phone bill and their service would be canceled. If this trend continued, stupid ringback tones would eventually go away. So there is hope. However, until then we are stuck listening to shitty songs like "Do the Stanky Leg" when waiting for a stupid person to pick up.